“I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can write a Beacon article this month.” That’s what I wanted to tell Delores last week. With the deadline approaching, I was looking at a schedule that was beginning to elicit anxiety: a trip to GA and NC for my niece’s wedding, college orientation for my daughter, and a field trip to Memphis with my son—all during the same week, and just after Easter and my son’s baseball tournament. Even though all of those activities ought to be fun, I found myself cowering to my enemy of Dread. Tired and on edge, I was unkind to my family, and my thoughts spiraled down: “ Are you kidding me? I can’t keep this up. I am going to screw something up. It’s too much. What’s wrong with me? These aren’t even problems. Why can’t I get it together?”
Thankfully, I have endured enough of these dips under pressure to know for certain that I would not stay there in my self-defeat. Every single time I have succumbed to Dread’s demands, it is but for a brief time, and I have gotten back up into the arms of my Savior. I thanked Jesus that He was coming for me and that I would walk in freedom again.
Relief didn’t come immediately, but I tried to watch expectantly for it. Then, God used my husband to help alert me to how my language was cooperating with my adversary. When I told him one day, “Looking at my calendar is making me nervous” he said, “Why does it have to make you nervous? Why can’t it make you excited? You will just have to be strategic in the logistics, but you can do it.” Wow, he should be a counselor. He’s right! I started to notice how often the word “nervous” or “worried” came out of my mouth. It was a lot! It was as if I was declaring I WILL BE NERVOUS before events even happened. I thanked the Lord for that realization and asked that I would trust in His provision instead of gearing up to be anxious.
I hear many people say, “I am a worrier” or “I am an anxious person.” I used to say it myself. And truly, there are those of us who have a tendency to become anxious. I’m right there. But, for me…changing my language is very helpful. Instead, I might think to myself, “fear is an enemy of mine, but God is helping me reduce its effects in my life” or “I have a tendency to become anxious, but I am learning to give in less to it.” I think we have to be careful not to proclaim things about ourselves that aren’t true. When I define myself as a worrier, that definition of myself is not in agreement with scripture, which tells me I am “more than a conqueror through Him who loves me!” (Romans 8:37). If I ignore that truth and keep asserting that I am a worrier, I am choosing to settle down into an identity as a worrier instead of growing into the freedom Christ has for me. I may indeed struggle with anxiety here and there until I meet Jesus, but I am confident He will keep teaching me through it and lessening its grip.
Having truth on hand, in the form of God’s word, is also a huge defense against anxiety. I am now in the habit of reciting verses while I’m getting ready in the mornings. I memorize scripture (as Jeff says, “memorize the mind of Christ”), not because I am some kind of bible scholar or memory wiz, but because I am nothing short of desperate for it. Without it, my mind wanders off to dark places of insecurity and self-doubt. I recommend this discipline highly. Start with one verse. Build an arsenal.
So take that, Dread. I got my article written, one day before the deadline. Only… ONLY because God hears my prayers and “stretches out His hands against the wrath of my enemies, and His right hand saves me” (Psalm 138:7-8). Praise you, Jesus.
Jo is a Licensed Professional Counselor at St. Mark’s. You can reach her by phone (601- 259-1749) or email (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)).
